Public Linguist: The Five LOVE Languages & Communication

This Blog Is Written By
Lisan Ye

I feel that in life one will encounter a goal to be happy and loved in a relationship whether it be with a loved one or with oneself. To get in touch with ourselves, we have to come across and face our emotions.
Emotions are certain feelings that we experience and express through our mind or body. We can express our emotions through the usage of words or express them non-verbally. Non-verbally expressing of emotions includes letting our emotions show through our body, body language or facial expressions. Charles Darwin stated that facial expressions are universal and innate but body language may have different meanings depending on the culture.

Interpersonal intelligence describes the ability to understand the emotions of others by language, perception and reasoning. Ways in which you can tell one’s emotions is to assess their facial expressions, tone of voice, and mood. However, it should be noted that some people are better at recognizing and communicating emotions than others. Although this may pose as a limitation, it does not mean one cannot assess one's emotions. One can assess another’s emotions through communication.

Some people express their emotions either through their body language or words. I think this depends on the person’s personality - one can be an extravert or introvert and have a preference of whether to bottle emotions up or not.

Whether you are lacking in interpersonal intelligence or if you are dealing with someone who hides their feelings/emotions, or if you just want to better your communication in general, you can use the five love languages as a guide to help your situation. Dr. Gary Chapman says that there are five ways in which a person feels or receives love. According to Dr. GaryChapman, the five love languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Words of affirmation are considered to be a language to express love by using words. These words are used to declare how one feels towards another. Words of affirmation include verbal compliments or words of appreciation. To me, it seems as though we do not express enough how much one’s efforts are appreciated or that one is doing a great job.
Acts of service is said to be more valued to people who believe in the idea of actions speaking louder than words. Those who have acts of service as their type of language do not tolerate broken promises well. An example of someone who prefers a love language of acts of service would say, “cut the talk; if you really did love me, you would do something around here”. Acts of service are things that one does to ease the burden of someone else. It usually means going out of their way to do something for someone. Words are important to everyone since that is how we communicate. Words can hurt or encourage one.

Are you one who believes in words over actions or actions over words or do you view them as equally important?

Quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts are examples of nonverbal languages.
Quality time is when one gives undivided attention to their partner. It is also about understanding and listening to the other partner without interrupting. It occurs when experiences, thoughts and feelings are shared between people.

Physical touch is when physical touch speaks the language. Physical touch can be handholding, hugging, kissing, or giving a massage. An act of physical touch goes with the saying about a picture being worth more than 1,000 words; a physical touch is worth more than 1,000 words for those that prefer this love language.

Receiving gifts is not used as a language to say that one is materialistic. The receiver of the gift might be fulfilled by the thoughtfulness and effort that was put into buying and choosing the gift.

These love language rules do not apply only towards romantic relationships, but instead allow you to understand any type of relationship.
It is important to understand what others value most. For example, knowing one’s preferred love language can allow success in a business. Business Strategist Marie Forleo says that learning each team member's preference allowed for a happy team and allowed for motivation and basically a fully functional team. Of course it should be noted that learning love languages wouldn’t allow for all problems to be solve. The cliché term "communication" is key is overused but really does have truth to it.